It's that time of year again... The time to remember and thank our Mother's for the special women they are and the amazing sacrifices they made for us. To our moms: Thanks for housing us in your wombs for 9 (maybe 10!) months, thanks for sacrificing your toned bodies that are now forever changed with stretch marks. Thanks for spending endless hours in labour or for allowing a surgeon to cut your beloved ab muscles in half. Thanks for the long nights and sometimes tough days. Thanks for the cupboards full of food, the lunches packed, the clothes in the drawers and the smile on your faces each day. And to my mom, thanks for loving me when I didn't love myself. Thanks for believing in me when I wanted to give up. And thanks for not only being my mother but also one of my best friends.
While Mother's Day is usually portrayed by the media as this happy day where Mom's get breakfast in bed, homemade cards and beautiful pasta necklaces (that we will wear with pride), I know for many out there it is a day that comes with many emotions. For me it's a confusing day that I want to celebrate but also reminds me of the pieces in my life that are missing. I have 2 beautiful daughters that I love and cherish but in my heart I feel a bit of failure as a Mother in some ways...
For some becoming a Mother was the easiest transition - maybe a little too easy. This was the way it was for me with Sommer. All of a sudden we were pregnant! No planning, no figure out cycles, just one day I was pregnant. And I took that for granted. I didn't think of those around me who were struggling to get pregnant or had lost babies. I thought I was blessed with the gift of easy fertility - boy was I naive! And for some women, bless their hearts, they have this great blessing. And if you are one of those people please remember what it is - a blessing from God! Celebrate it, thank God for it but also remember that it is not that way for everyone.
For some people Mother's Day is a day they don't know if they are allowed to celebrate. Yes, they have been pregnant but they aren't holding that precious baby in their arms. They are trusting in the Lord that they will hold that small child one day for eternity. I personally know this feeling and the pain and guilt that comes with loosing a pregnancy. For me the word miscarried is a painful word and the word itself brings feelings of guilt - did I really "miscarry" that baby? Did I do something wrong? Did I cause this to happen? I feel disappointed in my body and feel like a failure as a Mother. One of the main things God created and designed women to do I can not do well. I have problems carrying a baby. But if you are one of these women you should be celebrated. You are a Mother and you are a good Mother. God just has a different route for you in motherhood - you are forever a mother and one day you will meet your babies. Until then Jesus is taking good care of them in heaven.
And for others they long to be a Mother and have spent thousands of dollars trying to make this happen. These women should be honoured for their dedication, patience and perseverance. For me we tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant the second time. Those days were some of the most trying days ever - each month a wave of disappointment and failure come with the reminder you are not pregnant. It is like loosing a baby each month - your hopes and dreams come cashing down month after month when you are slapped in the face with the reality that it didn't work. You question your ability to do what God designed us to do. You question why God isn't giving you the desires of your heart. I know this painfulness to well as once again I am on this journey. If you are trying to get pregnant - celebrate Mother's day. You are a mother - you are just waiting for that blessing to arrive. You will be rewarded for your dedication and perseverance and He will grant you the desires of your heart.
This spring we have had 3 failed fertility treatments. Last week I found out the 3rd one didn't take and I have decided to take a break from treatments. I can't handle the pain and the hurt that comes each month, my heart needs a break. Seeing pictures of pregnant friends on facebook and seeing their beautiful stories is really hard on me right now. It is the big green monster of jealousy - and I pray that monster will leave so I can rejoice with them. I need to take some time and focus on the 2 beautiful girls that God has given me and thank Him each day for his endless blessings. I will put my energy into being the best Mommy these girls can have. My heart has some holes in it - 3 babies in heaven and a large hole that is waiting to be filled by my future child. I just need my heart to heal a bit because I am not a failure as a Mother - I am a good mom. I just need God's guidance as I'm walking the path He has planned for me.
So this Mother's Day please remember all those on different paths of motherhood. Those who have grey hairs from raising children, those young mom's trying to find balance in their lives, those who are pregnant, those who have precious babies in heaven and those who are on the road to motherhood. May we celebrate each path and walk along side these women with support and love - showering them in our prayers.
Thanks for sharing Mel! Your honest is refreshing and it's an important lesson to remember this Mother's Day... Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHartley and I went the same route as you as far as fertility treatments. They didn't work for us, but I did eventually become pregnant 7 years later. My advice - don't give up hope, but realize you can't control what happens. Enjoy the two you have. Failed fertility treatments don't mean that you can never get pregnant again.
ReplyDeleteJust my humble experience. We were also on a waiting list for adoption, but never got to the home check stage before we found out we were expecting.
Not sure if you would be wanting to have children after age 35, but here is some food for thought. Age 35 to 39 is when women are most likely to have twins — even without the fertility treatments that raise the odds for multiple births — of women at any other age. Typically, you release one egg a cycle. But as you get older, your FSH (Follicle stimulating hormone) level increases. When this hormonal surge occurs, there's a chance that you may release more than one egg during a cycle, upping the odds of a multiple birth. So while older women are statistically less likely to get pregnant, if they do get pregnant, they're more likely to have twins.
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